In this blog post, I explain what a "Me too!" moment is, and how we all experience them.
They happen naturally, frequently, and it’s a good thing – it helps us build bonds with others and have more positive interactions that lead to more trusting relationships.
But furthermore, when we recognize how and why this happens, we can actually also have more input into when and how often it does. Read more about it!
Read MoreHave you ever uttered these words?
“Honestly…”
“Truthfully…”
“To be frank…”
“To tell you the truth…”
“To be candid…”
“Ain’t gonna lie…”
If these words ever come out of your mouth in conversation, this blog post is for you: Stop it. Just stop it. Let me explain.
Read MoreBeing a leader and a people manager is demanding work. Many leaders make the mistake of not building a habit of having regular intentional conversations with the people they lead. Some because they don't have time. Others because they don't know how. Or what about. In this video blog ("vlog"), I break down ten types of conversations every leader should be having on a regular basis with every employee, throughout the year. It will demystify this practice and make it much easier to incorporate into your busy schedule, so please watch, take notes, and most importantly, take action!
Read MoreThere’s a secret lurking beneath the surface of all of the conversations had (and missed) at networking events, professional development dinners, parties, and the like. No one talks about it. But I’m going to talk about it here – bring it out into the open and demystify the awkwardness of these conversations with strangers. And they will never be the same again.
Read MoreDoes listening involve just your ears? Halelly Azulay of TalentGrow says definitely not. In this short video blog (vlog), she describes the commonly experienced negative effects of distracted listening and why you should stop doing that to people you care about. This advice is crucial for leaders of all levels (but it will also help you in your personal relationships).
Read MoreHave you ever had someone react emotionally to an email you sent and catch you completely off-guard? Did you ever re-read and re-write the same email eleventy-million times before hitting 'send'? Do you want to communicate more effectively and not damage your relationships at work and otherwise? Watch this short video blog (vlog) to learn the common mistake many leaders and team members make when choosing email as their mode of communication when it comes to important conversations. Learn the science behind the negative reactions people often have to your carefully crafted emails and how to prevent these situations from happening. Improve your communication effectiveness and become a better leader.
Read MoreI was facilitating a workshop on the three keys to communication success. We were talking about the need to consider the style and preference of the audience in shaping our communication approach when a participant spoke up.
“I hate when people do this. When my manager comes to talk to me and starts beating around the bush and giving me positive comments, I always get real skeptical and feel like there must be something bad or something more coming. I just want to tell him, “just come out with it! Give it to me straight!”.”
Here's what I told him.
Read MoreOften, we go into critical conversations with a certain predetermined outcome we want. And while it's really good to have a goal for what we want to accomplish in the conversation, there's a risk to becoming attached to a particular solution or approach.
What I suggest is that you have a goal for what you want to accomplish, but that you stay tentative and open about HOW you will accomplish it and allow that to be co-developed DURING the conversation, with full involvement from your conversation partner(s).
Read MoreLast week I visited sunny Ft. Lauderdale to speak at a financial services association’s conference about how to radically transform the way in which we do performance appraisals. The number one tip of the 5 best practices for a better performance management approach I shared with the audience is this: Make performance feedback an ongoing and informal practice. Ongoing, regular, and timely conversations with employees about performance, goals, career, and feedback contribute tremendously to their current and future level of performance and engagement at work. Here are my top 10 types of conversations that I think every leader should be having with every employee throughout each year:
Read MoreGiving and receiving feedback can sometimes backfire - we've all experienced it. One of the 'tricks' to giving and receiving feedback effectively starts BEFORE you even open your mouth or begin the conversation: it starts with your mindset and the context of the relationship between the feedback conversation partners. In my latest vlog (video blog), I help you recognize both the right mindset and the proper context for giving feedback in a way that's better received.
Read More
Here's a quick tip for you: No one is ever 'always' or 'never' __________ (fill in the blank with an adjective or verb).
One of the most sure-fire ways to make a difficult conversation instantly more difficult is to use a superlative like 'always' or 'never' to describe the other person's behavior. It is guaranteed to make the conversation partner instantly defensive and offend their sense of justice, because it's probably certain to be a false statement. It's impossible for any human to be 100% consistent in any behavior or approach, positive or negative. And we have a natural need to establish fairness and justice, so the moment someone describes us in this generalized way, we immediately begin to search our memory for contrary examples to prove it is a falsehood.
If you're trying to give feedback, or resolve conflict, the conversation is hard enough to have in the first place - why add difficulty? The person who is now preoccupied with proving you wrong is no longer listening to you or open to hearing your side of things. You've damaged your credibility in their eyes. You've taken them on a detour and now you must dig back from that detour to get back on track. A waste of time for all involved!
Therefore, be very careful to stay specific and factually correct. Instead of saying, "Pat, you're always late with your reports", say, "Pat, you turned in the last three reports late." Keep it objective and keep it constructive.
Have you had any experience with this kind of derailment or escalation? I'd love to learn about it in the comments section below!
Photo by Olivier H. via Flickr Creative Commons
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How to REALLY Listen: Reduce Conflict by Staying Low on the Ladder of Inference
The common mistake we make during critical conversations and how to avoid it
I've been working with a Fortune 100 "Big 4" client this month to facilitate multiple learning events called "Building Relationships" to Generation Y high-potential accountants. This two-day workshop is meant to prepare these young professionals to engage on a higher level of leadership with their peers, staff, leaders and clients. I feel very honored to work with this client, one of CNN Money's 100 Best Companies to Work For, and these very bright and ambitious learners. It's great to be surrounded by people who mean business and work hard to do great work.
One of the biggest lessons participants learn in this workshop is that "conversations create Connections, which in turn build relationships". Learners become more aware of the importance of first impressions, their personal brand, and the link between how they come across in their interactions to the bottom line results, customer satisfaction and customer and staff retention. Regardless of your industry and occupation, your technical competence is incredibly important - it's imperative. Yet, for leaders of every rank, the differentiator for sustained retention (both of staff and clients) is rarely your expertise. It is often how you made them feel when you worked with them.
When you connect with others through conversations, you show your humanity - your personal brand. You let your personality and uniqueness shine through. You show curiosity and empathy for THEIR personal perspective and needs. And you create a connection that helps you build a relationship, which is then nurtured and grows with additional conversations and connections. The better the connection, the stronger the relationship. The stronger the relationship, the better the satisfaction of both parties in the work results. The more forgiveness and wiggle-room for any mistakes. The more sustainable the business.
Even if you're an accountant.
This is true for ANYONE.
What connections are you making? How are you nurturing your important business relationships?
Photo credit: anoldent via Flickr Creative Commons
Sign up to my free weekly newsletter and get more actionable tips and ideas for making yourself a better leader and a more effective communicator! It’s very short and relevant with quick tips, links, and news about leadership, communication, and self-development. Sign up now!
Also, subscribe to my podcast, The TalentGrow Show, on iTunes to always be the first in the know about new episodes of The TalentGrow Show! http://apple.co/1NiWyZo
Developing leaders and teams to improve the human side of work. Grow your leadership and interpersonal communication skills. Develop stronger teams and create employee engagement.
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![Why email sucks (for really important conversations) [vlog]](https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/513dd8ede4b0cc0702fce2ec/1449966092534-UEHH7A06H7NU35HMS1WH/image-asset.jpeg)
